Christmas Gifts That Are Better Than What You Got

December 26, 2011 at 9:59 pm by

Yeah, so Christmas is winding down. If I were you, I wouldn’t hold my breath that your super secret Christmas wishes are going to be fulfilled. They won’t. See, I still haven’t received the soul I asked for (I sold mine to the devil for a Tickle Me Elmo back in 97).

Just give it up already and doing what the rest of the free world is doing. Snuggle up with your giant chocolate Santa, second copy of Black Ops (come on grandma! I told you I already had that one), and realize that if love is the greatest gift, than you got jipped on that too.

If you’re a woman, your Christmas coma might start off with some of those Dove chocolates with the sayings inside the wrapper that make you feel like a lonely menopausal spinster. You can clutch onto that Victoria’s Secret gift card for $5 (that’ll take care of half a thong) and the lotion that makes you smell like a dead hooker (do you not have nostrils, people?).

Okay, so here’s what I’m going to do to cheer you up. I’m going to show you a bunch of awesome and awful things that other people got for Christmas. It will make you understand that things could have been worse… but then again, they could have been so much better. You’re welcome in advance…

A guy got this from his brother in law. I wish chicks could pull this kind of thing off. If I sent my sister in law a blanket featuring me in undewear posing suggestively, yet comically on a bed, I’m not sure the reaction would be so “hahha! Let’s put this on the internet,” as it would be, “Ummm. Let’s never speak of this again.” I guess we’ll find out next year.

Aparently, I’m really into textiles today! I can’t tell you how many times I said, “Mama like!” when I saw this. Okay, it was once and I didn’t do it out loud.

 http://youtu.be/F9XNfWNooz4

And here’s my Christmas gift to you… No, it’s not that video. It’s the fact that you can stop that video at any time. If you’re hispanic, you might want to stop before they get to Feliz Navidad. It’s god awful. Happy holidays folks!

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