Kim Jong Il, Quantum Theory and Smelly Hippies

December 19, 2011 at 10:12 am by

What up geeks?

Oh man. It’s been a long week! Do I say that every week? It must be true then. Let’s get to the important headlines from the last week.

Kim Jong Il is Dead and Probably Has Been For Several Years

So, this isn’t really nerd news, but Kim Jong-Il’s seventh body double died today, and there was no way the eigth guy was going to fool anyone. He was like an asian Sloth from Goonies. The only reason he got that job in the first place was because his mother was Kim Jong-Il’s sunglasses designer. Fricking nepotism.  So they’re giving up the charade and pronouncing the Dear Leader deceased. They say it’s general fatigue, but I’m guessing it’s a combination of herpes, gout and clogged arteries. Dictators always die from lazy, whorey, fat a** diseases or… well, they get torched in a ditch. So here’s to Kim Jung-Il [raises glass]. The coniac and donald duck memorabilia industries will miss you most. Everyone else thinks you’re a d*ckweed.

The Future 2.0: Now With Fewer Hippies and Smelly Roommates

Some scientists somewhere invented cotton that cleans itself in the sun because it’s covered by something that sounds like the Terminator’s body fluid. You can read the story here and make as many jokes as you want about your Call of Duty loving roommate or your brother’s Burning Man loving girlfriend in the comments section below.

Quantum Theory In Pixels

I’m not even sure I know what quantum theory really is. I remember somebody telling me that it was about putting a cat in a box and shooting it. All I learned from that lesson is that dudes in juvy put out. Pretty sure a quantum physicists is a just dude who went to Florida Tech Online, who makes bongs out of beakers and says stuff like, “we’re all connected by our energetic forces because matter doesn’t exist and I don’t exist and you don’t exist and it’s all so….. beautiful.” Here, some nerds try to explain it with pixels.

Posted in